Isn’t he a cutie? Today has been a great day so far! On another rollercoaster? Oh, who knows. At least I’m making some good choices today. And man, have I said before that it feels good? Absolutely essential to my recovery are a couple things - probably lots of things. But for now, these are the ones I know:

1. Morning meditations.

2. Respecting my body (beautification)

3. Making small achievable goals.

I wonder if there are things that you, mommies, consider essential to your day?

Today is one of those days again. And instead of not posting, I think I will just post those positive things that I can learn from my experiences. And maybe someone else can see themselves and be encouraged. I would love to hear how other bloggers out there get out of themselves on “those” days and connect with their readers.

Outside here on the Pacific, it is beautiful.  Everyone in their sane mind will be outside walking, flying a kite, hanging out at the beach, etc. And I want my kids to be actively enjoying the sunshine, growing up healthy and happy. But I can’t. I simply can’t. So my exact thinking this morning truly was - “What’s the next best thing to that overwhelming proposition?”

And for me, it is McDonalds Playland. I like the fenced in area. I like that the playland is outside in the sunshine. I like that I can feed them there and don’t have to worry about lunch. I like that the playland is free! I like that it will keep the cranky toddler occupied until nap time. However, when I’m down, I tend to focus on the negative- it truly isn’t free, nor is it outdoorsy or active.

So there are choices here, I’ve learned in years of therapy. I can focus on the negative and be upset that I don’t measure up to other mothers. Or I can get off my butt (which is a HUGE self-esteem booster for me) and go where I feel comfortable. For me, that is McDonalds.

Of course there are lots of reasons not to go to McD. But this time, this day (THAT day) it was a good choice. And one good choice feels good. And lifts the mood.

What will your choice look like today?

This week has seen another dip in my mood. Of course it isn’t hospital-worthy or anything. See for yourself:

This is me talking to me, i know, I know. Crazy. lol

- errrr, why haven’t I gone for a walk yet?

- well, because you’ve spent too much time on the computer!

- uggg, you’re such a bad mother,

- I wonder how the kids feel? What if they feel abandoned?

- I wonder if anyone knows? I have to keep this a secret.

- I want to go crawl in a hole.

- Where can I get a drink?

Hold on! Warning bells! A drink? An Ice cream. All the same to me.

The last couple days I’ve been the queen of disastrous thinking (see the “Cognitive Distortions” link in the sidebar). Like yesterday, this was my thinking:

“Oh no, the kids have been watching tv too much,

I wonder if the neighbours have noticed,

will they call the cops?”.

Hmmmm - yep, sounds like perfectly normal rational thought to me. (<–Totally sarcastic here)

How about this one:

“I’ve missed my walk today -

and then I let down the sitter (who knows what she wanted to do with that $5),

that probably means I’m sick -

no, just in denial -

oh dear, denial means I’m crazy -

what? I’m crazy again! -

I might as well just give up.”

See what I mean? I can get from mild disappointment to neurotic in .6 seconds flat! Don’t you start feeling sorry for me - I know you do too! And if you don’t know you do, then you probably still do it, you just don’t know it. Smile. Oh my therapist would be so proud.

Some days I’m just so frustrated. Before last week, it took me at least .9 to get to disaster.

Sometimes I guess a step backwards happens. It happens, people. Okay, I’m talking to myself again.

So that’s me. I hope that your steps backward will be few and far between, dear readers!

I soooo understand, doggie.

As usual, the creative Susan of Raspberry Road Designs supplied the graphics. She’s got tons of freebies to get you started if you’re interested in exploring digi scrapbooking!