Yesterday, I was up a little early. And I had time to breath before the girls woke up. I have a stack of really good books - ones on God’s love for me, Bible studies, women’s studies - lots of good stuff. But none of it is alive, active, sharper than a double edged sword, useful for teaching, encouraging, convicting. Those books just aren’t me sitting in God’s lap with his voice reading to ME. Just me. I needed God’s word. And I read Psalm 31, and the verses were good, and true. And God spoke to my heart. as he always does. I didn’t learn anything that was life-altering (that I’m aware of, anyway). But I was there. I was on his lap. He was reading to me. Peace. Belonging. Understanding. Those are the things I get from being in that place. And I can’t wait to get back there again today.

The girls are up. They are hungry. Things to attend to. And my Father is watching. He is here. He is waiting for us to spend some quality time together. I can’t wait!

Hello Mommies,

Good Tuesday to you. This morning I was reading some light stuff. And she (Liz Curtis Higgs) wrote that God takes us as is. There is no muss and fuss getting ready: there’s also no hiding the bad stuff. He accepts us and knows us, and loves us just as we are.

Now, my mind immediately went into shopping mode, didn’t yours? When you hear “as is” doesn’t your mind see visions of Ikea’s dented furniture and snagged bed sheets? Ohhhhhhh. Me too! Some of my most favorite things are things that are “as is”.

So here it is ladies:

God loves you “as is”. Defects included. No returns. No exchanges.

I love the book, “Breaking the Good Mom Myth” by Alyson Schafer.  The book is not particularly religious in nature, but the insights are just common-sense.  I can’t help but relate to a LOT of this stuff.  The last myth to bust is: “Good Mothers Make Life Fun and Entertaining”. Watch it, Mom.  Agreeing like that could get you whiplash.  My mom has been telling me for ages that I don’t have to pay so much attention to the kids.  That I don’t have to entertain them.  She can see what I cannot:  that we have done a 180 from when she raised us.  I think that my Mom was raised in the Children should be seen and not heard era.  And she balanced, from what I remember quite well, being a woman first, and a mom too.  Now, we are definitely child-centered.

Alyson writes:

We’ve become mom-u-tainment for our children.  We’ve taken it upon ourselves to become our children’s full time playmate and constant companion.  The mom-u-tainment mom is a fun-loving gal-pal who takes her place down on the floor amid the Lego, playing gleefully all day long with her children.  She’s a regular MacGyver too - turning egg cartons into caterpillars, coffee filters into butterflies.

What hits me about this - other than my hand slapping my knee - is that this is how I measure my mothering.  As well as the way my Mom did:  a clean house, and neat orderly schedule.  So, now I have to be MacGyver Gal-Pal, and Martha all rolled into one.  Hmmm.  Was that my self esteem I heard hitting bottom?

She writes again:

I know not everyone is a mom-u-tainment mom.  Some have made peace with the fact… but they can certainly make up for any fun that might be lacking by opening up their wallets!  You can take them to the make-your-own-teddy-bear store, and then pick up the tab for lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (where the moving, life-sized elephants will either thrill your tot or make him shriek in pure terror).  There’s the inside play-palace, clay painting, or just grab a movie and go an hour early so you can play in the “midway” first.  Ah, yes, every day is a spectacular fun-day in childhood now.

I admit - I’ve done this myself.  Especially in the worst days of depression.  I pop up the indoor tent, throw some kid-sized chairs in there, and maybe even the portable dvd player and they’re entertained for hours.  And it does work - they are quite distracted, and don’t seem to notice that Mommy’s in her own world.  Now, I’m not saying that this is wrong - sometimes we do what we need to do to survive.  I call this “survival mode”.  You know the one?  Where hot dogs are lunch, and supper is McDonalds that Daddy brought home.  And you’re doing really well if you get the baby’s diaper changed.

Also, so true is the reaction that the kids get if they are unappreciative!  Ohhhh boy!  Watch the hammer come down on that one!  How dare they?  After all I do for them?  Have they no idea that other kids would die to have a home like they do?  etc, etc, etc.  Isn’t it interesting though, that they are simply reflecting our attitude?  Isn’t it true that if they are “done” with one toy, we bring out another?  Isn’t it true that if something breaks we will replace it?  I was patting myself on the back for not falling into this trap.  Until I realized that if it is important (like their play dough - why would I let all those playdough toys go to waste without buying more dough?) then I cave.  But it is MY decision, darn it!  If I wanted to, they would SOOOO have to do without!  In my head, I am soooo in control here. 

There are hidden costs to all this mom-u-tainment, whether in person or purchase, Alyson points out that boredom creates self-entertainment.  And self-directed play creates social skills, experimenting, and imagination.  Take this example:

I observed a great example of the power of non-adult-directed, free, unstructured play one day at a nursery school.  A group of girls had made their way to the kitchen area and were playing house.  Another group of boys were playing with the block set.  What happened next was the workings of two social groups trying to figure out how to play together.  One boy grabbed some plastic food from the girls, and ran it back to the boys’ block area.  He put the food in the little corral they had built with blocks.  The girls ran and snatched it back.  After a few more rounds of robbing one another, which they did chuckling - having fun being sneaky and trying to outwit each other - they combined their games.  All the food went to the boys who used the blocks to set up a food market, and the girls came to shop with their imaginary grocery carts.

Can you imagine what would have happened if one of us “on top of things” moms was watching?  Whewwwwy - what a great opportunity for a lecture on….

Alyson got an email that she talks about in this chapter: Alyson: My child is three-and-a half years old and I can’t get anything done becasue she always has to be with me, or demands that I play with her.  I feel guilty if I don’t, but I am tired of this ball-and-chain on my leg.  When is it okay for me to let her play alone?

I wonder what some of you think about this one?

Hiya mommies,

Yesterday I went to a Mom’s group - the first time in months actually.  And it was all about the “Breaking the Good Mom Myth” that I talked about ages ago.  This time it was on school and school involvement.  Such things as Moms “help” with homework.  Good Moms have academically inclined kids.  And that if I read enough with them while they were younger, then they would be reading before Kindergarten.  Uggg.
Ya know with three kids, that I don’t sit down to do homework after school, dontcha?  we barely have time to get the kids fed and visit with Daddy before bedtime!  These girls need 11-12 hours of sleep still!  And MOMMY needs them to have 11-12 hours of sleep! lol

The homework nowadays!  Yikes!  The stories coming from the Mom’s yesterday were frightening!  and now I could just kiss Haley’s teacher, although that would probably solidify my “crazy” status for her. lmao.  There are probably a bazillion articles on how much homework a child at a certain age should have.  And how parents either should or should not help.  And how much help, and blah, blah, blah.  In reality, we barely have time to say hello, feed them, and put them to bed!  Forget ballet class!!!

Exhale!  I feel so much better!  You too, mommy, are not alone!  There are actually lots of us who cannot or will not DO homework - we are busy with (in my opinion) better things.  And, we are right!! hehehe  some source or another says that even those babies assaulted with Mozart in the womb are no further ahead later in gradeschool.  did you hear that? lolol  We can take it easy!  and focus on childhood and family values and relationships, and sharing, enjoying learning and discovery.  We do not need to be shoving homework down their throats.  it will all even out in the end. Of course I have no idea what her sources are - details, schmetails.  if ya gotta have footnotes, go get the book!

In the meantime, have a coffee, put your feet up.  Show those kids what it looks like to ENJOY a morning moment! lol

It’s Tuesday! My favorite posting day. I love thinking about what I’m going to tidy next - I know, it’s an illness.

Magazines: lying everwhere - the bathroom, the coffee table, floor, bookshelves. The kids ‘read’ them, tear them, bend them, and break them. And then there’s the bathroom magazines. Imagine the little buggers that fall off the hands of potty-users onto the pages - ewwwwww! I keep ours distributed like this:

1. potty reads: disposable mag’s in a little basket (reader’s digest, brainiac types, and Stooples)
2. couch reads: only the newest issue of Discipleship Journal, National Geographic, and the library books on the coffee table.
3. bed reads: inspirational books and catalogues in my bedside table drawer.

The Culling process! (Ya know, like the ‘Wraith’! teehee)

1. Tossing: old reader’s digest, catalog’s, and brainiac types (I can’t find the title right now, we have this mind-bending, brain-teasing mag sometimes.)
2. Should-be-tossing: those I just can’t get rid of yet, go into a box in storage (like my college texts)
3. Keeping: Scrapbooking mag’s go in a neat stack in my craft room. DJ’s are organized in magazine holders with my ‘writing inspirations’ by the computer.
4. Returning: old library books go into a bag by the door for the next trip to the library.